


run straight into the loneliness

by Anonymous



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Body Dysphoria, Body Modification, Character Neutral, Five's Kinda Mean, Gen, Luther Hargreeves-centric, inspired by a song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 16:34:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18347507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: three snapshots into number one's life featuring his siblings





	run straight into the loneliness

**Author's Note:**

> ngl i dont particularly love luther bUT i know that he went through trauma and abuse just like the others and to invalidate that is mean :(
> 
> the lyrics used in the title and the snapshots is from the song like everyone else by lennon stella, its a great song
> 
> ok enjoy!

**1 . the night all my friends got together, heard about it afterwards (didn't think it was gonna hurt so much)**

Luther had gone to the kitchen to get a glass of water only to see his siblings attempting to sneak past. He frowned, “Guys? What are you doing?”

He'd only then really noticed their appearances, Klaus was wearing one of Allison's skirts, Vanya had a crown made out of balloons on her head, even Five was carrying a giant teddy bear with a small smile on his face. Remembering the poster he'd saw on the way home from a mission for a carnival, he pieced it together.

They looked at him with wide eyes before looking at each other. Allison stepped forward, “We went out for a bit. We wanted you to come but we know how you hate breaking dad's rules.”

Luther ignored the pang his chest and gave a small smile, “Did you guys have fun?”

They all stayed quiet but Ben, ever the saint, replied, “It would've been loads better if you were there.”

The other five nodded in agreement but Luther could see from the doubt in most of their eyes, it wasn't true.

He just pasted on a smile and grabbed his water, making his way back to his room. Not being able to help question why they didn't invite him. His question didn't remain unanswered for long, though, thanks to Vanya's hesitant whisper.

“You're not gonna tell Dad, right?”

Luther looked back at them, seeing how tense they were as they waited for his answer and felt that sharp pang hit him again. _That's why._ He shook his head and watched them collectively sigh in relief before continuing on to his room.

For the next few days, he watches his brothers and sisters share inside jokes and stories of the carnival as he tried to imagine the scenarios, this time with him in it.

 

**2 . don't even go near a mirror, it'll kill you (trust me, you don’t wanna see yourself)**

The shower ran in an attempt to drown out the sounds of his sobs. Mom had said he should go shower but he couldn't even look at himself without tearing up.

God, if his siblings could see him now.

_Big, strong Number One. Crying because he doesn't have his abs anymore._

“No, no, no. I didn't want this.” He cried, looking at the large, hair covered, trembling hands in front of him. His hands.

_Dad saved your life. You saying you'd rather be dead?_

There was a part of him, a part bigger than he'd like to admit, that screamed yes. Death was better than this.

He shakily stood up, taking a deep breath as he flicked off the light and encased the room in a comforting darkness, before stepping into the shower under spray of water.

 

**3\. what made me think i was special, i'm not special (turns out, i'm like everybody else)**

They all knew Five had moments of viciousness, where he'd spit vitriol at anyone who'd set him off. This time, it was Luther who had poked the bear. According to Five, he was asking to many questions about their jump into the past and now everyone had their heads in their hands as their youngest (and oldest) brother ranted.

“-And let's be honest here Luther, what is it you bring to this team exactly?”

The man in question along with a few of the others looked up with confusion. He opened his mouth to defend himself but Five didn't stop.

“Diego can throw relatively anything and hit his target, Allison can bend reality, Klaus can summon the dead, and Vanya can literally end the world. So tell me, what the fuck can you do besides bench press?”

Luther watched his siblings disagree and scowl at their brother but Five only looked at him with a raised eyebrow and a fiery challenge in his eyes.

His mouth opened and closed trying to squabble for an answer but when he came up empty, he looked down a his (now furless and smaller) hands with a pained expression because _what could he do_?

Klaus turned to him with a sad smile, “Don't listen to him.”

But Luther couldn't hear him over the blood rushing in his ears. Before anyone could protest, he was getting up from the table and walking out of the room, angrily wiping away his tears before they could fall.

As he walked past his father's study he heard a taunting voice in the back of his mind asking, _“Were you appointed Number One for your leader qualities or your desperate need for validation?”_

**Author's Note:**

> if you wanna tell me what you thought about it, leave a comment!


End file.
